Holiness is the state of being holy or sacred. (Wikipedia)
Don't get scared. I know that some of you read my blog because you know me, not because you're interested in Christianity. And I'm completely fine with that. I'm not interested in making converts here. There's no other shoe that's about to drop. But here's some of the stuff in my head:
I've been thinking about the pursuit of holiness for a few days now. Things in life keep coming up that make me think I don't have my shit together. I used to be obsessed with this idea of holiness - certainly to an unhealthy degree. Gotta be a "good Christian."
I don't know what that looks like anymore.
But rather than explore what it looks like for me, now I have allowed my focus to rest on causes that put personal culpability elsewhere - then I can share responsibility from an ideological distance. The things I believe in are changing - for the better, I think. But I'm not becoming "holier" - not the kind of holiness that makes me a self-differentiating asshole who wants you to know it. If I felt holy, I wouldn't tell you. I certainly wouldn't be holy, then. What I mean is, the fruits of the Spirit aren't manifest in my life more now than they were five or six years ago. I'm spinning my wheels.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control..."
Part of this is because I've made the typical liberal/mainline switch from personal to systemic, which gets me off the hook for dealing with a lot of my shit.
Look, I think my beliefs are truer now - headed in the right direction. And in some ways, that makes me feel just a little bit better about myself (we've talked about liberal elitism before, and I've confessed to it). And I'm a pretty nice guy 90% of the time. Especially when I want you to think I'm a pretty nice guy. But I want to be more like Jesus, and that sounds pretty jesusy - I know. Shades of Bible-thumping!
No, I'm not going back to the sort of self-preserving, fear-mongering, angry, ethnocentric, sexist, homophobic, hell-scared guy I used to be (or at least used to think I needed to be, to be a good Christian).
I'm a liberal. An egalitarian. I want to be your friend. I want to share power. Blah blah, you've read my bio.
But I also... I also want to be holy. I want my life to tell more the just what I believe about. I have to be more than progressive politics and sensitive social views. I want my life to tell who I am, what's in my heart, and maybe a glimpse of what Jesus looks like.
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